3am

3am nothingness. equates to nothing but dead silence ‘cept the ho hum humming of my appliances. as I am applying this partially alert state of conscientiousness. to its best place of purposes where it can get the most-use-usefulness Prayer and seeking.peeking into heaven’s heart -beating. Pleading. following Your Spirit’s leading, me to pray.leading me to play like a kid who is fully confidant and knows that they can totally confide in their’ Dad . so upward gazes smiling laughing .cheesing. grinning crying faces the kid says this “Daddy I’ve tasted,compared to knowing you everything else is bland.tasteless” and simply the kid just goes on about the business of play , Running freely this freeze tag game of life fearless they wont trip ,though they might , run with untied shoelaces. daddy will scoop u up. amazing is grace amazing not because of hymn nor song.but that which  pleases Him is what’s right ,tho to the world it looks all wrong.The Lord delights in you, delights in your love for him.is patient with your weaknesses delights in your delight in HIM.THO man would say your method is all wrong. all wrong like mary’s expensive oil poured out hair that which wiped the feet of Jesus,and all wrong like david’s unbashed d dancing unto God which ended up in a wardrobe malfunction and exposed his naked being,and all wrong like the mud spit wash in the river Jesus healing combo that’s not supposed to take place on the sabbath (so said the pharisees and)but tell that to the blind man who is now seeing.

Spoken word piece- SUICIDE LETTER( Galatians 2:20)

If you happen to find and notice this notice then note this

that its already too late for me
its too late because death could not wait you see
there was far too much of me living casually
in a blas’e blas’e state
blowing through the doldrums of a loveless ,prayerless faith
blowing through the doldrums of a loveless ,prayerless faith
so I had to take stock and evaluate the situation and concluded
that death simply had to place.
This is officially my suicide letter.
death to pride letter.
There is no other alternative and no other alternative is better.
So I had to have to die.
don’t ask me why .
If you find this disturbing…..
so did I….. but the Son of Man
is coming for a spotless bride
and for her had given his life and thought
death-nothing compared to the joy of having her by his side.
He asked that I partake of Him and be apart of her
but at first I tried to like halfheartedly live this somewhat in-in theory
Largely out in actuality
I tried to avoid the finality
of killing carnality
the definiteness -like john the baptist-when he said-
“HE must increase ,I must decrease”
The absoluteness of being DECEASED

Of no longer I but Christ arise
my mouth saying yes LOrd but my heart far from HIM lies.
L-I-E-S

Denying Him instead of denying me
like hiding who I love in front of mixed company
comfy me
asleep in the culture’s comfort
but the Comforter was merciful enough to convict and show
that the time for wholeheartedness was now or never
so……
I had to decide
the urgency of the hour
wouldn’t let me hide
sit idly by
and delay my decision
which is why
I write this to you

Should you happen upon this just know
I should have been dead a long time ago
Jesus said
“IF ANY MAN desires TO FOLLOW ME ,HE MUST DENY HIMSELF TAKE UP HIS CROSS AND FOLLOW”
JESUS was not simply implying what he THOUGHT would be merely a good idea
no subtle suggestions here
Rather he was stating what simply must occur
and if dying to self was suitable for him,his disciples ,apostles, followers and faithful saints all across the globe
than its suitable for me also

So with one shallow breath
I leapt from the cleft
of causality
yes I embraced this fatality
there is a war happening
truth vs hypocrisy
and on truth’s side
I’ve resigned myself to become a casualty
I’m in love with Jesus-hopelessly

Let it be known
I chose to back the car of my heart
into an enclosed room before the throne
of the matchless bridegroom -SO
IT COULDN’T GO NOWHERE
THAT IT WOLD BE FILLED WITH THE FUMES OF DYING FLESH
but my spirit is now in tune with the rhythms of his heart
NO REGRETS
knowing HIM’S THE BEST
singing hymns with my spirit
only death will take me near it
and requires me to live fearless
fearing the Living God only
GOING INTO
the watered-down first love fires quenched cavities of my being
He resurrected my need for intimacy
and love
I took the intoxicating drug of HIS presence
addicted to HIS presence
Now I must live in LOVE WITH HIM INTRAVENOUSLY
LIKE INSULIN TO A DIABETIC
removing all things apathetic

SO don’t try to resurrect and resuscitate
my flesh loving heart rate
I need No medic
I won’t try to debate.My fate is final. I forsake the world.
satiating carnality has no appeal to me.
Like Psalms 27:4 there is only one thing I desire. need.
AND WITH THAT ,I say to you goodbye.
and as for everything else that myself dictates
I SIMPLY
HAVE TO DIE.

badge of the broken part 1

The Badge of the Broken pt1

The badge of the broken burns
The heart of those it torments
The pain is incessant
The helplessness the same
The extent to which the bearer’s bear the badge suggest
There is nothing in this to be gained
Tattered torn remnants
Of a heart that once was whole are reminders
That wholeness is no more
Hope is a distant thought
Much like a long lost relative
A distant aunt
Precarious predicament
Situations in chaotic state
Trust is a fantasy
Longing is ever present
Escape never happens, but sadness happens. And life happens around that.

I WROTE THIS POEM –About two years ago in the throws of terrible grief .I had in one moment lost some loved ones/friends .LOST EVERYTHING. That type of grief I would not wish on my worst enemy but, in the end it produced in me terrible need for JESUS. I learned that He is close to the brokenhearted .I learned to depend on Him(like a child infant child learns to depend on their mom or dad). I learned to lean .I learned to rest. I learned to walk. and now I praise God for letting me go through all of that to get know HIM more. I didn’t change the content of the poem because I want to make it clear that I was such in a state of “God I cant get off this floor, so how can I trust you.”. Amazingly through his grace mercy and strength most importantly He showed me that I could trust Him. If your grieving and you cant get off the floor or muster the strength to take of your badge of brokenness ITS OK THE LORD LONGS TO BE NEAR YOU. Simply allow Him to.

when i  look back over each day, sometimes a feel a sense of acomplishment and other times ,not so much.sometimes  i am certain and strong the whole way thru and other days i ask  for strength just enough for that particular hour. but on any occasion, I am sure of  one thing.Each day I must(like Paul in phillipians ch.3) press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. i cant speak for others- but when Christ Jesus took hold of me the world around me stopped and i was confronted with truth ..i was confronted with love… a love  and truth so powerful pure,yet so violently vibrantly  undeniably something  i could not avoid,delay,refute or refuse.Many people like to say they encountered Jesus and thats fine.  Although those two words can be used in interchanging context,encountering something  is so sweet  pleasant and inviting ,confronting on the other hand calls things for what they actually are and puts it all out there.(Paul got confronted out on damascus,the women at the well got it at the well,but after that LIFE HAD TO BE ABOUT JESUS for them and it was).I didn’t encounter Him(that would have been all so nice-however i didn’t need nice-i needed truth and in his love thats what he presented). He confronted me . He confronted  the sin, the lies ,the shame, and guilt and then He presented  himself to me.The rest is history, the present,and the future . Needless to say, I WAS STUNNED SHOCKED AND COMPLETELY TAKEN AWAY BY THIS Jesus,and  knew from then on(and had inside of me)- this continual love and desire for,this unmistakable certain Jesus. He took hold of(confronted) me for this very reason. to constantly be taken and in love with an unmistakable GOD and continuously be in that.taking hold of the one who took hold of me.knowing the one who (knows) and wants to know me. being in love with the one who is in love with me.  IN THIS TIME I have seen a lot and and I have to ask What else is there ? and why are we in this if not to take Hold of Him WHO TOOK HOLD OF US?(even though we might not have  reached the pinnacle,but yet we still pursue and will keep pursuing ,knowing and becoming like him in the pursuit (also like paul)). I,again,can’t speak for others(their life with their God is up to them-who knows mayb they haven’t been confronted -its not for me to tell)-. But for me there is nothing else.I must take hold of Him who intesely took hold of me, though none go with me .

ANCIENT PATHS

I’m D…ISCOVERING

the ancient paths again

steadily climbing out

of the deception the devil had me in

steadily breaking free from the lies  attached to sin

steadily  stealin away..to be stashed again

In the shadow of HIS wings

to be fashioned in..His image..and if its true

that you become  what you behold

then let  me behold

you CHRIST

as you be

ARE HOLDING ME

so I can be whole again

and be holy as you are holy . Not talkin bout religion or man’s man made egotistical tradition

talkin bout Psalms 91.He who dwells in the secret place of the  most High shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty  an invitation so inviting  yet I find myself often  fighting..better yEt  decling your  offer.

Like a  scoffer

Like a Mocker

Like a mockingbird making  early morning sunday songs singing…

but the rest of the days,weeks,and hours

What am I bringing to You?

Is it a heart fully  devoted or is  it  self preservation and half-hearted meditation and  sugary selfishness candy-coated -convenience.

Mocking you

Giving you tidbits of me thats never fully satisfying

Like candy canes and trinket things in Christmas stockings

when I’m really most interested in whats under the Christmas tree-Like your really most interested in my giving you every part of me  whole-heartedly,but steadily i continue to exuse my apathy.

Instead of inquiring and  asking ,Jeremiah 6;16.. Where is that good way?,so that I can walk in it -Where is the ancient path?- so that i can stand at the crossroads look and ask

So Lord here am I asking

this journey called a life of  faith is mine for the having

I mean mine for the taking as I press on to take hold of that  for which you Jesus took hold of me

Like paul in Phillipians 3

12 let me delve deeper further in You embracing your Jealousy

Because it was your whole-hearted desire for me that  sent you to the cross of calvary- as you embraced the tree for the joy set before you.

But often times i find that i choose to ignore you

and run after other lovers like whore  who

forsakes the way of life to run like  a  swift she camel into the desert – into the night

or Hosea’s wife

or the Israelites before the golden calf

which should invoke you  wrath

see this is no laugh-

ing matter because  he or she  who is not for you is against you,and he who does not gather scatters  according to

Matthew 12;30

and so therefore my flirting

with other lovers

LEAVES YOU HURTING

See I know full well my  adulterous behavior and half -hearted offerings are entirely insulting

which is highly offensive arousing  aversion, disgusting,revolting,repulsing

But yet

Your kindness and mercy are causing me

to cling speedily  immediately  to you again

Your constant  steadfast love causes me to

confront this sin.

Your burning fiery eyes  takes me aback a wins-over my heart and then

I’m undone

Your truth makes me aware of my nothingness-but you Choose not to leave me there and then I’m undone

I can not run,I can not pretend,I can not deny that I just have been

APPREHENDED

Confronted with love,cleansed with blood,covered completely,and clothed sweetly

In the Name of Jesus

and NOW, recognizing that  this love given me…

undeservedly,although greatly appreciated, definitely must be

RECIPROCATED

poured ON TO the Creator from the created-

First love fires plague.

earthy passions fade

Temporal things become vague

and I am fascinated by You. One true living God-and for YOU,Living one

I WAS MADE.

-poem by K.Gassery

1ST POETRY ENTRY

UNTITLED(POEM OF STRUGGLE)

I SO…desperately wanted

not  to be here  as  the last flashes of  yesterdays

dissappeared before my eyes

like breathe in the  atmosphere

on cold  winter days

as the traces of  what I thought I was

 swiftly went fle-fle-fleeting away

and I was left to bear the scars

like burn victims

1st

second

3rd

degree

BURNS

all over me

my body-FLESH

SKIN

CRACKLING

like a roasted  pig over

the SPIT-FIRE.

My desire felt so

innocent

at times  all so benevolant

but never did i ever think that

this ever meant

anything like

this current

experience

NOW- scarred for life and the

bandages only serve  as  a dressing to ADDRESS  OR REplace yesterdays bandages

of bottomless brokeness

each sting  reminding me of the initial points of affliction.

my

prediction is by the time, I grasp

all the great wisdoms to be gained-stationed,perched,propped up

as i am

Iwill have just reached the realization that I will never look again

like my old self

BEFORE THE BURNS